poems and shit

letter to you

i stood there.
i endured all the ridicule. i was put in a position of awkward silence.
i was not accepted or wanted. i was despised.
for wanting to be myself.
i only wanted to be myself.
it was all for you.

i never stopped fighting.
i knew what i wanted.
i knew who i wanted to be.
it was all because of you.

where are you?

i wish you were here.
i feel your heartbeat in mine.
i feel you.
i know you are with me. somewhere.
all i have to do is see you.
your archetype is in so many surrounding forms.
just a hint of your archetypal essence sends me to a tearful, soul-drenching emotional breakdown.
because i miss you. because i want you near.
i don't know who you are.
where you are.
what body you may be trapped inside, but i know you are perfect.
i will find you someday.
you will be near.

we will share eternity together.
i will love you and want to spend every passing millisecond with you.
but our love will exist outside reality.
we will live in our world.
our world which is as real as this one.
you'll be real. you will love me.
i will find you someday. i am waiting.

where are you?
where are you? i know you are perfect.
with effortless grace.
you are so close.
i see you in every aspect of my life.
everything i think about.
you are the breath of it.
i open myself to your arrival.
i await that day when i can feel your presence.
shake my core. with as much intensity as before.
i feel you now.
deep within the bowels of my soul.
the gears of the cosmos are churning.
bringing us back together. slowly.
as we come closer and closer, we can feel it.
we see more and more of each other in every form of our lives.
we imagine each other.
but imagination cannot fulfill its task.
we look different from before.
but still, we reside in the same energy.

connected.

so beautiful.
warm.
calm.
tranquil.
reassuring.

the energy you admit complements my own.
for we are connected.
we are two apart of one.
i, your half, and you, mine.

i will sacrifice anything for you.
my love for you spans eons.
compartmentalized in some nook of my subconscious.
that ancient love.
the ancient love energy buzzing within us will someday burst open into a big bang of cosmic creation.
the cosmic restoration of our love.



i sit here and daydream of you.
i am patient.
i just want to be ready for you.
so i think. i contemplate. i ponder.
i see you in my dreams.
you are there. clear.
but the dreams end before our first exchange of words.
for your energy is much too intense.
shit, i wouldn't want to leave that dreamstate.
but there you are.
past the astral level of desire, onto imagination and visualization until we are organized into the physical energies which manifest in this reality.
that day will be beautiful.
we will have found each other.
i will see you.
i will laugh.
it will be a joyous day.
and i will think back to this moment.
this moment of such intensity. and will be grateful.

until then.
i will daydream.
my tears continue to flow.
i know you are near.
i am waiting.
please, come back soon.

i love you.

*end*

here.
here i am able to spend time with you.
you are a visualization, an imagined thought form in my mind.
but i feel you.
i am able to feel you before i am able to touch you.
to finally see you outside.
i see you.
smell you- a combination of archetypal scents i have stored in a wooden chest of my brain labeled "love" haha.
it is dusty, this wooden chest.
untouched.
i only observe it.
it matures. it is getting old haha.
but this is necessary.
it does not know death.
it is a remnant our love.
stored within my mind at birth.
from the past.
that past when we were together.
it was a past that seemed to last forever.
it was eternity.
this is only a drop in the pool of infinity...