wow, time's a-moving

so, summer's gotten a lot better and isn't moving as slowly as it was a month ago. this is good and bad. it's good because i'm closer to leaving for Ecuador, but bad in that i'm leaving my friends and family to uproot and spend a year in a land that i've known. damn. i'm not scared, but i do feel this sense of urgency...a sense of urgency compelled by the feeling that i have to take advantage of EVERY single opportunity to cherish the remainder of my time here. i've met some awesome people and the memories of this summer will last forever...somewhere out there.
of course, as one begins a new chapter in his life, he must reflect upon the preceding one. i can honestly say that my life has changed so much since my humble (lol) beginnings in Shannon, MS.
now, i can speak freely about who i am. then, i was forced silent. unable to express who i was or who i wanted to be. now, i can have thoughts that make me prideful of the fact that i am who i want to be and that it would take a lot of pressure for me to change. or conform to anything but that.
i feel, for myself, that i represent the single greatest symbol of change in my life. my personality is transient. it swats with the wind. it rumbles with the quakes of the earth. but one thing is true. nothing will ever extinguish my light. the light of being deep inside me. the energy of being which drives my creativity and fervor for knowledge more complex and fulfilled than the mundane "hoo-ha".
i really do appreciate where i am in life right now. every second of everyday, i grow more confident in the fact that, at the end of the day, i don't have to worry about who i am. because i like who i am and am thankful.
i am not the only person who deserves the credit for the person i have become. friends have helped bring infinite happiness to my life. they gave/ continue to give me acceptance for who i am. when i was once told that it was shameful to be gay. to use proper grammar. basically, to be me. they opened (and continue to open) their arms and loved me anyway. i was broken, fragmented and had not realized my potential or worth. i knew there were different levels to life that i had not yet experienced. i had envisioned the time in my life when acceptance would come. when i could finally rest without worry of someone finding me out.
oh, how wonderful it feels to be free. now, i can soar to the top. i can be THAT person i used to see walking. confident. with his head held high. ready to face the world. ready to face any discrimination. because it's all worth it. expression is beautiful.
the feelings of claustrophobia are indescribable. one is unable to breath fully when not allowed to be himself. there is a dark shadow which follows him. one which represents the struggle, the battering fight for acceptance.
but when set free and allowed to find himself, when he is allowed to cultivate and given the power to create his own future, then he is truly free. when allowed to move freely and spread his arms as wide as the poles of the earth. then, he has access to the true esoteric knowledge. the knowledge that we are all divine and possess potential beyond that which has been fully realized, at present.

for the rest of my days, i am committed to standing up for who i am.
i will not support the deprivation of the human soul.
i have no say in who someone should be and neither they in who i may be.
we are here for a purpose, a purpose of spiritual fulfillment. i hope to be fulfilled before i leave this stage in the progression of the universe.
no, i won't stand shit from anybody.

i am so grateful.


hasta la vista

sorry for any typos...i wrote this in a scurry



33 days...